do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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