Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
