I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
