Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
