So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
my poor anus
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
