Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
