Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
