How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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