respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
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just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
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I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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