I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
