I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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