Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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