I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
