Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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