I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
no, he came in my armpit
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
