You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
