So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
