Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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