Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i just had sex bonerless
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
