Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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