I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
