I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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