So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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