Quick, to the slutcave!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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