Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
