i think my tv is drunk
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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