We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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