last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
