You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
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Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
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She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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