dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
FUCK WHALES
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
