Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
