This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
