i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
