Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
barbara walters just said penis...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
