so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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