i just made my gag reflex go away.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
