while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
