I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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