i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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