if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
