Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Randomize
