ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
