I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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