I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
