dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
