Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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