I just made out with a guy for $7.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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