found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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