Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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