thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
