I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
