I'm passing your future prison.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
