if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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