I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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