I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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