If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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