I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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