I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
