you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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