I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
