the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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