We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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