I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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