She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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