Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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