not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
